


Perhaps Bland

by pjordha



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Community: femslash_today, F/F, Femslash, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:38:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pjordha/pseuds/pjordha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maeby decides it's time to experiment.  Ann will do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perhaps Bland

With her parents back together and even more self-involved than usual, Maeby had to think of more creative ways to _not_ get their attention.  
  
"I think it's time to experiment with my sexuality," she announced casually during George Michael's college graduation party.  No one responded save her Uncle Buster, who mentioned that his mother, Maeby's grandmother Lucille, gave the "sexiest backrubs."  
  
At Stan Sitwell and Lucille II's wedding reception, Maeby toasted the couple by proclaiming, "If there's anyone out there looking for some freaky-deaky sex with me, the line forms to the left."  There was no response, but later on her 15 year old adopted uncle Annyong gave her a copy of a Rick James cd and a Communist Party pamphlet.  
  
When the family visited her Uncle GOB in the hospital when one of his illusions "accidentally" backfired, Maeby closed her eyes and shouted, "I'm gonna screw the first non-relative I lay my eyes on!"  When she opened her eyes again, the person standing closest was GOB's ultra-religious sometimes girlfriend, Ann "Bland" Veal.  Ann licked her lips lewdly at her.  
  
"Fine," Maeby hissed, grabbing Ann and stomping impudently out of the hospital critical care unit, "you'll do."  The rest of the Bluths watched them go with mild interest.  
  
" _Her_?" asked Michael.  
  
"Right," GOB commented through his full body cast.  "Who knew Ann could go for such vanilla."  
  
***  
Once inside the Bluth model home, Maeby stopped suddenly and finally released Ann's arm.  
  
"Ok, Bland, you can go.  If that doesn't get the tongues wagging, I don't know what will," she laughed, then gasped when Ann slammed the front door (causing the fake fireplace to become unglued from the wall) and started unbuttoning her many-buttoned, Victorian-esque blouse.  "Uh, Ann, you know that was a joke, right?  I was just trying to stir things up!  That's what I do, stir…things…up."  Now topless, Ann slipped out of her prairie skirt to reveal she was wearing a strap-on harness and large purple dildo.  
  
"Don't worry, I haven't used this on GOB in days," Ann explained calmly, in her oh-so-bland way.  "Would you like for me to fuck your brains out here in the living room, or would you prefer I give you a rusty trombone in your parent's bed?"  
  
Maeby froze, half frightened and half turned on.  "Oh my God."  
  
"Don't you take the Lord's name in vain," Ann shouted as she started pulling off Maeby's clothes.  "Let's see those funbags!"  
  
***  
  
When Lindsay and Tobias returned from their marriage counselor, they immediately went up to discuss their findings with their daughter.  They opened her bedroom door without knocking and proceeded inside, arguing so loudly that they didn't notice Ann with her "cock" down their daughter's throat.  
  
"Oh, my," Tobias mused, once they finally noticed the goings-on.  "Like father, like daughter."  Lindsay's shoulders sagged.  "I, too, have been blessed with sagittally symmetrical gluteal indentations, or, 'butt dimples'.  But she gets all that bushy pubic hair from you, Lindsay."  
  
"I want a divorce—again!" Lindsay shrieked, rushing out the door, her husband on her heels.  
  
"No blaspheming!" Ann grunted as she slapped Maeby's cheek with her slicked-up meat.  "Ok, on your back."  
  
Maeby did as instructed, rubbing her abused mouth as she complained, "Did you see that?  They didn't even bat an eye!  What do I have to do to get them to notice me?"  
  
"Why don't you try not trying so hard?  Maybe if you spent more time on yourself you'd have less time to worry about your parents.  Explore your life, your opportunities, and try to love your folks for the people they are, rather than the people you'd like them to be."  
  
Maeby was dumbfounded for the first time in her life.  Maybe "Bland" wasn't so bland after all.  "Thanks, Ann."  
  
"You're welcome.  Now, spread those legs like the little whore you are."  
  
***  
"I don't think I have a G-spot."  
  
"Of course you do," Ann huffed as she continued pumping away.  She stopped momentarily to wipe her brow.  "You could help a little, you know."  She placed Maeby's right hand between her legs, the left on her breast.  "Now."  Maeby groaned awkwardly as Ann started up again.  "What's the problem?"  
  
"Maybe I'm just not attracted to you."  Ann stopped.  
  
"Not attracted to—forgive her," Ann whispered to the ceiling as she undid the harness.  "She knows not anything."  Laying between Maeby's legs, Ann lubed up her entire hand and plunged three fingers inside, leaving her thumb free to flutter against Maeby's clitoral hood.  Ann smiled triumphantly when she curved her fingers upward and Maeby's hips started to buck off the bed.  
  
"Yes…yes…um, Ann?"  
  
"Just goes to show: burning books or tossing salad, a Veal never gives up!" Ann laughed.  
  
"Oh…that's good," Maeby groaned as her head knocked against the headboard with every thrust of Ann's not-so-bland hand.  "But, uh…Ann—?"  
  
"Yeah, I found it."  Ann leaned in close to taste all of Maeby her tongue could reach as she pounded against the small, raised spot inside.  
  
Maeby started to shake, her short body curling in on itself.  "Ann…you might want to—"  
  
"Who's not attracted to me n—?" Ann squealed proudly, just before being hit in the face by Maeby's explosive ejaculate.  Ann wiped the clear fluid from her face as Maeby came down from her orgasm, smiling devilishly.  
  
"Yeah, me and my G-spot go back a long way," Maeby yawned.  "That Steve Holt has the longest tongue."  
  
Ann frowned.  She'd only gotten to second base with Steve Holt.  " _Him_?"  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the Fireworks 12: The [Totally Not] Annual femslash_today Porn Battle 7/17/2012
> 
> Copyright Pjordha 2012


End file.
